When I returned to church the first time, I knew there was something that was going to draw me in again. The second time my interest grew stronger. The third time, I saw a revelation: I had always known who I was. The explanation for having never become a "member" of a group was simple--none of the things I found there could define me. There was something different about me in those days which became apparent to me entering the doors of my church so many years later. God defined me.
It was when I left Him that things made no sense.
Growing up, I always felt like I was headed in the right direction, but never seemed to get closer to God, so turning my back on Him seemed to be the right thing to do. I had to find the "reset button" as my new friend, Dave, put it as we talked for some time. I had been offered everything the system had to give in terms of Christianity, but never found a true relationship. Commitment without relationship is worse than anything else you have ever endured.
Even now I feel like I was meant to leave God's side. I needed to leave my childhood behind and start a journey of my own. The truth is that now, I see more clearly than ever before and I have pure focus. Now I can stand up and live my life with faith above all other acts. I wouldn't give up the last year for the world because those moments helped me to find who I really am.
I am God's chosen vessel.
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Leaving my childhood behind is exactly how I felt, and still feel in some respects.
ReplyDeleteIt's almost like i needed to step back and say "what the hell is going on here" and find God's relevance in my life. I don't think I've completely found it yet, but imma searching.
Dude. I'm glad we can relate on that. There was so much bullshit in my upbringing. I mean it wasn't bad... Just a bad way to raise a kid. No reason you should raise a child in the expectation of faith.
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